Caring for children can be both physically and emotionally draining. If they're not depriving you of sleep or privacy, children definitely depriveyou of uninterrupted conversations, romantic dinners, weekends away and unhurried, unscheduled sex. Now for the positive side: Many relationship counselors believe that you can have children and a love life,too.Dr. Ellen Kreidman, best-selling author ofIs There Sex After Kids?, says "one of the best ways to show your children love is by having a loving relationship withyour spouse." In fact, Dr. Ellen helps couples become better parents by becoming better partners and lovers.Three Reasonsthe Flame Dies After Kids:
1.It's difficult to shift gears. Dr. Ellen says it can be tough switching from the role of parent to lover. Making that transition begins with changing how you refer to your mate. She tells couples to call each other by their pet names. Do not refer to your spouse as"mommy" or "daddy." That's a sure way to prevent your partner from feeling sexy.
2.You take each other for granted. Do you stop what you're doing andgreet your spouse with a smile when he or she comeshome from work, or do you continue talking on the phone while you assist your child with homework and make the family dinner? Dr. Ellen encourages couples to remember what it was like when they first fellin love and were separated for an entire day. Greet your partner in a way that makes him or her feel likethe most important person in your life. Embrace, kiss and ask your mate about his or her day.
3.You're bogged down in routine. Instead ofbeing lovers, people oftenbecome working partners. When that happens, couples often end up having routine sex. While you may need to schedule time to be alone when you have children, Dr. Ellen says you can still make your sex life more exciting. Be creative. For example, make love in a room otherthan your bedroom (and preferably when the kids aren't around). Surprise your mate with sexy lingerie, or call him or her at work and flirt like you did before kids entered the scene.